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heaven

January 24, 2013

This story is prompted for Friday Fictioneers – kindly hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields Come try your hand at a 100 word story. Here is today’s photo prompt

“Who do you think lives here?” She wondered out loud.

“Nobody, it’s a public beach.”

“God could live here, couldn’t he?”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

She jumped up and down excitedly, her plastic shovel and pail rattling.

“I’ll bait my line and cast it out into the sea. Then we’ll dance a great war dance around it for good luck.”

“Then?” Blue innocent eyes sparkled in the early sun.

“You’ll dig down to China, and if our dance was pure a big striper grabs our line.”

“Yesss!” the pail forgotten as little hands clapped.

“Then home for a heavenly dinner.”

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59 Comments
  1. Very cute! I really like the dialog.

  2. Any day at the beach is a good day. It is importatn to give the little ones their desires when they ask, because they grow up oh so fast.

  3. fun! i almost wanna join in ^^

  4. Yep, a day like that truly is heaven and that’s all anyone really needs to know. Very nice.

  5. What a lovely day! Perhaps God does live on the beach.

    • thanks Shirley, with kids a war dance always helps first for distraction, second to tire them out.

  6. Great dialogue! Reminds me of talking with my friends when I was 5 or 6, and wondering how the astronauts got through heaven to space. We finally decided that God must have given them permission to pass through heaven, otherwise how would they make it?

  7. Sounds like some baby gods go fishing… sweet story.

  8. a perfect time with excellent dialogue. I feel this relationship.

  9. I think you nailed the dialogue. Nicely written!

    • Thanks! I’m glad you stopped by. I suppose those are things I have heard from kids at one time or another.

  10. Hi Bill,
    Nice interaction and dialog. Great job of getting into the child’s mindset. Ron

  11. nice writing indeed

  12. Was the war dance successful? If so, will try it next time I go fishing. Good story–co-starring, I’m sure, an adorable little girl.

    • Thanks VB, fishing seems to be a success no matter what, ( as long as one isn’t fishing out of need ), and war dances always are fun. I think they got their fish.

  13. I totally dig your imagination! Short stories are the coolest, they prompt so much thinking for the reader about what came before, what may come after and allow my imagination to run rampant!

  14. Give me a stiper and a stripper and I am one happy man. Just Don’t give me a stipper who smells like a striper…Very fun story. Really enjoyed this. Nice work!

    • thanks Tom! I think there might be some ribald humor alluded to in that comment πŸ™‚

  15. Guess who’s cooking?!! Very realistic and home-y.

    janet

  16. is this two kids or one kid with an imaginary friend? either way, my favorite so far.

    a few things:

    β€œThen?,” Blue innocent eyes sparkled in the early sun.

    β€œYou’ll dig down to China, and if our dance was pure a big stripper grabs our line.”

    no comma after the “Then?,”

    also, i wonder if it should be “if our dance IS pure…” instead of WAS. might be arguable.

    also. i think you want “striper” one P. two PP is “stripper,” like a woman dancing on a bar. but i’m okay either way. πŸ˜‰

    • thanks! Updated — never sure about when to take a p!

      appreciate your input.

      • very funny. double consonant usually means a short vowel sound, like bitter, bigger, ripper. stripper. single consonant usually means long vowel, like biter. biker. striper.

  17. Terrific writing!

  18. Wonderful and sweet. πŸ™‚

  19. You wrote some adorable kids πŸ˜‰

  20. Very sweet – I can hear the little one’s tiny hands clapping. Lovely!

  21. TheOthers1 permalink

    So sweet. You’re good a drawing the smiles. πŸ™‚

  22. Speaking from.experience? πŸ™‚
    Very sweet scene! πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Parul –
      we had a vacation at the beach a couple times. it was great memories. This is a combination of several events.

  23. A big stripper? Is that what you meant???

    • no, she would have been sunburned in the wrong places. πŸ™‚ thanks, corrected. I big striper ( fish) would what I was dangling after!

      thanks for the comment πŸ™‚

  24. Written like a true daddy. Methinks this is written from life experience. Love it regardless!

  25. Idyllic scene at the beach. Lovely.

  26. I hope they catch their fish! πŸ™‚

    • you know fishing is funny. Sometimes just digging in the sand and watching the sea with hope is even better!

  27. Ahhh!!! I could almost see that, very nice

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