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ghosts of christmas past – friday fictioneers

December 26, 2012

This story is prompted for Friday Fictioneers – kindly hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields Come try your hand at a 100 word story where each word counts. Here is today’s photo prompt

The note smelled faintly of Chanel no 5, her scent. “I need to talk to you, 708 Fulton two PM” the only words. I knew that graceful script, beautiful and elegant like the woman who created it.

Still here I stood two blocks distant, stomach churning. She would take my hands in hers, gaze into my eyes and smile. I would ask her troubles, and she would bravely hold back till eventually like glistening tears they’d spring forth. This time I’d tell myself, she’s come back to stay.

I hid my shaking hands in my pockets, and walked away without glancing back.

  1. oh. very nice. Great job with showing emotions.

  2. Russell permalink

    Superbly crafted story, Bill. I think she enjoys putting his heart through the ringer, and I’m glad he had the courage to move on.

    • Thanks — I think she finds the power intoxicating, and like a child she careens from trouble to trouble knowing someone will rescue her.

  3. A mushy rat permalink

    Brilliant writing style and a wonderful story to go with it! As a reader, I can’t ask for anything more!

  4. A mushy rat permalink

    Brilliant writing style and a wonderful story to go with it! As I reader, I can’t ask for anything more!

  5. Dear Bill,

    Another excellent story. You’re on a roll. Smartest move that guy could ever make and you captured the moment perfectly.



  6. He made a tough call, but it’s probably for the best. Nice story. 🙂

    • yes, sometimes no matter how much we want something it isn’t meant to be.

      thanks for stopping by.

  7. a good compact tale well told. bravo!

  8. Sounds like he made the right decision. Good one.

  9. This made my heart skip a beat or two. Sweet and sad. So sad.

  10. Didn’t expect that ending. Great job. Hard to face facts sometimes.

  11. Powerful and beautiful story, Very well written.

  12. Haunting, surprising, and very effective. Fine work!

  13. I love when something a stranger writes, or an author writes, is instantly recognizable as a more or less universal experience. How many times in the past have I been in a situation like this and not been strong enough to just keep on walking? I absolutely loved this. Hate to say it was the best 100 word story this week because that would negate the worth of my own. But they are in two different leagues so I’ll give it to you. This week!

  14. well done. a guy who knows what’s going to happen and is finally facing reality and moving on.

  15. This is sad, heart-wrenching even, but tells us so much about this fellow.

  16. Powerful story. He’s been there before, and has the courage not to go back, even though he wants to so back. I liked your line… ‘hid his shaking hands’.

  17. Hi Bill,
    Poignant story, heavy with regret. Very well wrought. Happy 2013! Ron

  18. Dear Bill,
    A very tender, if not tragic story. You made me care about this guy. Great job. I could go on but would just be echoing what’s been said.

  19. yerpirate permalink

    Oh dear…but he is right to try to walk away…very strong scene.

  20. I hope his resolve stays strong… Nice one Bill.

  21. What a dilemma to be in, between loneliness and self-respect. Hopefully he will find someone worthy of him.

  22. loved this story…my heart broke for him

    • thanks, I think his end will not be glamorous beauty, but in finding the good and solid love that he deserves. Her ending is not so clear, for her hunger is deeper and less understood. I am so glad you commented.

      • the woman’s got ambition– she wants to reach for the moon, i think. can’t blame her… ^^ maybe someday, they’ll work things out.. but i have a feeling they won’t… yup, this is definitely the best story so far

        • I’m glad for your input, funny how once the people are committed to paper they become such individuals.

  23. This is the best so far.
    Very believable. Very nicely done.

    • Thanks Parul — I think he was a good man, but she could never have been satisfied with him, isn’t it sad how that works sometimes.

  24. What a transition from the first sentence to the last! The first paragraph sounds like you’re going to show us a lovers’ meeting – and I suppose that’s what it would be, sort of, except that the narrator has learned the hard way not to trust or hope any more. So much pain in this story, and you show it to us so gradually. Very well written.

    • Thanks — yes he has learned to realize that his love will never be requited. That kind of love, enslaves us, and keeps us from seeking our own destiny. I think he may have finally broken free.

  25. nice sensitivity to the story.
    It was best he walked away.

    • don’t you think in their heart of hearts that every man thinks, “I can save her”

  26. Very believable and touching.

  27. Poignant tale. You’ve captured the turmoil of each character in such a way that I like them both and find myself pitying them for what might have been. What a gut-wrenching story. It reminds me a little of Morning in Antibes by John Knowles.

    • thank you — I appreciate the comparison. I think that the two were perfect compliments to one another, but somehow she always needed something more, when what he had was what she needed.

  28. Bill,
    I love this…..Really has the feel of a man, in love afraid but wanting to face the woman he loves. Unable to because of their history on the edge of choosing to relive the past and moving forward without her. Good work.

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